Dealing with a Narcissist

by Emily.

My top tips on how to deal with narcissistic people in your life.

• What is narcissistic personality disorder?

A person with a narcissistic personality is someone who has an inflated sense of self-importance and strives to make themselves look better or smarter than other people around them, usually by belittling and embarrassing someone else in their life. Narcissistic abuse can take many forms, anyone can be a narcissist, and anyone can be exposed to one. A narcissistic personality may come from a genuine feeling of superiority, but it is more likely to come from a place of insecurity and fear. By criticising others, making them feel stupid, unimportant and small, the narcissist makes themselves feel smarter, more important and more worthy. Therefore, their criticisms are not based on truths, but are instead based on their own insecurities. Remember this when dealing with narcissists.

• How to Spot Narcissistic Behaviour

There are certain “red flags” that can help you to spot a narcissist. Since narcissism comes from a place of insecurity, look out for a person trying to make themselves look better in some way by putting you down. For example, by exaggerating a negative quality of yours or by pointing out your flaws in front of others. A narcissistic person may also make frequent passive aggressive comments, in the form of helpful opinions, to further emphasise your flaws and make you doubt yourself. Narcissists often use gaslighting techniques to make you feel insecure about yourself, by doing this, they can control your feelings until you begin to doubt your own emotions.

• How to Deal with Narcissistic Personalities

The main thing you need to remember when dealing with narcissism is that their opinions are not based on your real flaws, they are often made up in order to reflect their own insecurities. You can’t let their comments bother you as the narcissist is deliberately trying to make you feel upset and insecure. Their mean comments aim to make you feel bad and make themselves feel better, by not engaging and not letting it bother you, you are being the better person, even if it is difficult to keep the higher ground. If you act like their comments don’t bother you, they can’t succeed in their goal of emotional control. I would suggest replying to their opinions with a simple “okay”, “noted”, or “I’ll keep that in mind”. However, if the abuse continues and you can’t endure it then call them out. Tell them what their saying is untrue, that you don’t appreciate their opinion and that you’ve had enough. Tell them it is your life and you will live it the way you want, even if they “disapprove” of your choices. They may not expect you to stand up for yourself and the shock of your assertiveness could be enough to make them stop. However, assertiveness may also make them angrier and more determined to belittle you, so I would only try this option if you have a sure plan B (i.e. a way out/somewhere else to live/work) or if you are sure it will make them stop, use your own judgment of the situation and their overall personality.  

• Should I Seek Professional Help?

The advice in this post is purely based on my experience of dealing with narcissistic personalities. If dealing with a narcissist is seriously impacting your mental health, happiness, or other areas of your life, I would recommend speaking to a professional therapist.